Today during something that was supposed to be fun and a stress relief (Zumba) I felt the overwhelming urge to cry. That happens so often lately. Too often. Is that normal? Definitely not. No matter how hard I try, I seem to sink deeper and deeper into these feelings (sometimes it feels a little like a depression?). I just feel so alone all the time. And it feels like there's nothing I can do about it. Feeling pretty helpless and like everything I have right now is an impossible task.
It also really upsets me when I'm feeling like this and I also feel like I have no one to talk to. I know Coty gets busy and it essentially feels like he's living a double life, so when he's home and actively living that life then I don't feel like I can be a part of it. I get that that's pretty selfish but it also feels like steps back every single time I call and don't hear back from him. I feel like a pathetic girl that can't take a hint when a guy doesn't want to talk to her. I shouldn't feel like that. I know I'm probably blowing some of this out of proportion but I think some of it also is him trying to keep the peace at him at my expense. He never used to care about how it looked. Now I know he does. Also makes me think he's leaning back towards staying with her. Which I could totally understand... But I need to hear it and not infer it from how I feel.
And at the same time I feel like I have no one to talk to who's on my side. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle solo and it's exhausting mentally and even physically... Even when I did just have a nice-ish visit (minus a big piece of kaylees mind on my relationship) with one of my best friends, as soon as it was over it dragged me down even further than before it started. It's heart breaking and frustrating and lonesome :(
It also really upsets me when I'm feeling like this and I also feel like I have no one to talk to. I know Coty gets busy and it essentially feels like he's living a double life, so when he's home and actively living that life then I don't feel like I can be a part of it. I get that that's pretty selfish but it also feels like steps back every single time I call and don't hear back from him. I feel like a pathetic girl that can't take a hint when a guy doesn't want to talk to her. I shouldn't feel like that. I know I'm probably blowing some of this out of proportion but I think some of it also is him trying to keep the peace at him at my expense. He never used to care about how it looked. Now I know he does. Also makes me think he's leaning back towards staying with her. Which I could totally understand... But I need to hear it and not infer it from how I feel.
And at the same time I feel like I have no one to talk to who's on my side. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle solo and it's exhausting mentally and even physically... Even when I did just have a nice-ish visit (minus a big piece of kaylees mind on my relationship) with one of my best friends, as soon as it was over it dragged me down even further than before it started. It's heart breaking and frustrating and lonesome :(
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