Opinions

Opinions. I'm getting really sick of them. Everyone seems to have one about everything in everyone else's life rather than looking inward and maybe thinking about what they may need to re-evaluate in their own life. If I need/want an opinion, I will ask for it (very few people in my life get this from me). If not, kindly keep it to yourself. You don't really know me and you don't know what's going on in my life. Sure, you can ask questions and make your own inferrences, but that doesn't mean shit. You are not me and the last time I checked, your happiness and/or failures are not directly translatable into my personal life. If I ask for one and it's not what I want or expect, sure, that's on me. these are a few of the irritating opinions I've recieved lately:

• "I need to be with someone who hasn't experienced being married/having kids before so he can experience it for the first time with me" <-- how stupid and tunnel-visioned is that?? Sure it's easy for you to say that since that's the way it worked out for you. But the last time I checked, falling in love is not a conscious decision?
• "You're young and allowing a one-way street to be your basis now will dictate the rest of your lives together" this is in reference to Coty being unable to move closer to me in Houston due to wanting to stay close to his kids. This actually infuriates me beyond belief; what about this need makes our relationship a one-way street? Wouldn't it be a one-way street the other way if I asked him to move-in with me and said that could be the only way? Does this mean our entire relationship will be all me giving and all hime taking? No.
• "That's fucked up" this was from my mom in reference to the cruise Coty is about to take. Sure, it's frustrating for me to know he's going on a vacation with his kids plus the wife he's separated from, but you expressing such feelings to me doesn't help. If you don't approve, don't approve. I just don't need to hear that shit from you.

Yes, I get that the situation isn't easy or easy to navigate/understand. But the last thing I need is people shoving their own opinions down my throat. This is case-in-point why I prefer to just keep my personal life as my personal life and not let anybody in.

Baby Ca-ra-za-zy

I feel the title of this post is pretty self-explanatory: I am deeming myself officially baby crazy. I kind of laugh at the thought sometimes because if you asked me a year ago if I'd be wanting a baby in a year, I would've thought it was completely ridiculous. But sometimes you have to just take a deep breath and just jump in. Realistically is anyone actually ready to be a parent when they become one? Probably not. When is the "perfect time" to have a baby? There's always going to be one more thing that's going to get in the way of perfect timing, so the way I look at it is I'm in love with a wonderful man who is a fantastic father already. One I want to have a family with. One who's made me change the way I look at absolutely everything. 

So what do I have in my head about it? If I got pregnant right now, I would definitely have the baby; sure things are not ideal in my life but I know I could make it work. Even if I hate my job, it still pays well. Granted, it would be difficult living in Houston where I haven't established myself much of a support system, but that's my reality. Coty and I have also discussed what if I got pregnant just before moving back home. That would help support system-wise and letting my parents be grandparents and everything. It kind of still makes me a little sad to think Coty would miss the beginning of his baby's life, regardless of how much he says he's ok with it.

It makes me happy to think and dream about these things for the future. It gives me something very positive and fulfilling to look forward to, and maybe, just a little bit, it makes me feel normal because 24-year-old women everywhere dream of babies and weddings if they haven't already had them :)