So a lot has been running through my mind lately: a lot about the future and what to do and how to get there. I've always been a goal oriented type of person (shocker I know...) so to me, if something is not working or I'm not where I want to be, what else is there to do but make a goal and work towards making it better? I can't really think of anything else.
So it's a well known fact that I'm miserable in my current job, so what can I really do about that? Find another one? That's easier said than done especially when I don't have a green card here. Or I could quit and go home, poor and a quitter. But I'd be home with my family and probably a whole lot happier. I miss having people I enjoy being around in my life. I'm sick of spending all of my weekends alone. It was different when my alone time was a choice. Now I don't have an option. And if I do have the opportunity to see a friend or especially Coty to lift my spirits I will bend over backwards to make it happen. That loneliness is probably a root cause of how needy I've become... But that's a different story for a different day.
I've also strongly considered going back to school: it would give me something constructive to focus my negative energy on and also likely give me a much better chance on getting something different that I'll enjoy working at.
But at the same time, sometimes I feel like I'm just trying to cling to something that no one else but me thinks is a good idea. My parents are always trying to pull me back home, Coty tries to nudge me to do it (granted, yes, I know mentally it would probably be a great help right now), I hate living here which is my reality at least for a while. Kind of feels like everything and everyone is telling me that I'm fighting for this alone. That I'm kidding myself into thinking it will be best in the long run. It makes me want to give up and listen to everything going on around me and just go home. I just feel so defeated and I don't know what to do...
So it's a well known fact that I'm miserable in my current job, so what can I really do about that? Find another one? That's easier said than done especially when I don't have a green card here. Or I could quit and go home, poor and a quitter. But I'd be home with my family and probably a whole lot happier. I miss having people I enjoy being around in my life. I'm sick of spending all of my weekends alone. It was different when my alone time was a choice. Now I don't have an option. And if I do have the opportunity to see a friend or especially Coty to lift my spirits I will bend over backwards to make it happen. That loneliness is probably a root cause of how needy I've become... But that's a different story for a different day.
I've also strongly considered going back to school: it would give me something constructive to focus my negative energy on and also likely give me a much better chance on getting something different that I'll enjoy working at.
But at the same time, sometimes I feel like I'm just trying to cling to something that no one else but me thinks is a good idea. My parents are always trying to pull me back home, Coty tries to nudge me to do it (granted, yes, I know mentally it would probably be a great help right now), I hate living here which is my reality at least for a while. Kind of feels like everything and everyone is telling me that I'm fighting for this alone. That I'm kidding myself into thinking it will be best in the long run. It makes me want to give up and listen to everything going on around me and just go home. I just feel so defeated and I don't know what to do...
