Well this has been a tough week, at least the beginning of it was. But it sort of set in motion a bunch of things that are making me feel hopeful for the first time in a while. After how I was feeling Monday night, I decided to go look at jobs at home that everyone has been trying to tell me is best for me. Maybe they were on to something. So this came up in conversation on Thursday evening when I told Coty I had been considering it. He was very supportive of the idea and told me that it really could be a good thing for me right now and I know he's right. So I messaged my dad and asked him to look into what the salary would be out of interest. To say I shocked him was a massive understatement. Turns out it was potentially what I'm making now so I threw my resume into the mix. I feel though I don't have the type of experience in that role, my other experience should be an asset.
So what does this mean? Am I giving up? I'm kind of torn between whether or not I'm giving up or doing what's healthiest for me right now. Also kind of afraid for what it means for Coty and I since I never want to lose him. But I also can't keep on being as unhappy as I am because I can assure you part of My unhappiness results in pushing everyone who loves me away. Which is my vicious circle. Blehhh. But on another note, this brings back the possibility of trying to have a baby before I head back home to allow me to have the baby there and have a support system unlike what I'd get to have down here. That makes me excited!! I'm just always a little afraid how it will affect Coty not being able to see another child of his nearly as much as he'd want to and I'd want him to. That would break my heart on all sides. I just want us all to be happy and make everything work the best we can :) if that includes a little piece of the two of us, that makes my heart smile :D.
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