Dependency

I've been doing some thinking and I've realized: I'm completely dependent on my boyfriend/relationship. I hated and judged people like me before; who are you if you need to depend on something else? I've always considered myself pretty independent. Even growing up I was pretty accustomed to doing things on my own, not because I was forced to by some sort of circumstance but because I could. I also believe I'm a much better person for it. But being independent and able to take care of myself feels like a rather large part of my identity and it governs quite a number of my personal traits: my ambition/drive, my stubbornness, my overall attitude and my ability to get things accomplished. So if this is something that I feel identifies me, what does it mean once I'm not fully independent anymore? Do I lose part of my identity? Or is it just something I have to evolve with if I want to be part of a relationship? Coty reminds me fairly often that I'm not single anymore; that my actions and words have to take into account another person but I've lived so much of my life not in a relationship this is a difficult message to get through to me... 

But that makes me also ask myself the question: is it normal? Is it normal for my happiness to mostly depend on one other person? Is it normal for a fight with the same person to tear me up inside, make me visibly distraught (horrible poker face), affects my sleep, affects my appetite... and over what? A little exchange of some nasty words? Is it really the end of the world? But a big problem I have is I have great difficulty just pushing something to the back of my mind, so it stays on my mind until it can be addressed. Which is exactly the opposite of the way Coty deals with any conflict: he gets agitated and before he blows up because I am so stubborn and incessant, he brings the argument to a grinding halt, leaving me in emotional limbo and is entirely exhausting. Does this happen to me because it's just the way I handle conflict? Or does it have something to do with me not having had relationships when I was younger to get this crazy shit out of my system? I'm so frustrated with feeling like this and dealing with things like this and feeling crazy. I want to stop it and I'm writing this as I sit through the terrible 12-hour time difference currently between he and I, filling my Sunday with a periodic checking of my phone to see if he happens to be awake by some random chance. See what I mean? Dependent... And I know a little bit of dependency is normal and part of what a relationship is; I would hope my boyfriend/future husband will be somewhat dependent on me and having me in their life. I just have to wonder how much is too much?