So this came up in a conversation with my boyfriend this evening when we were chatting about his absolute love of "liking" several skanky bikini-clad chicks on Facebook. Sure, if I know he loves me (and I do) I should be secure enough in myself and our relationship for this not to bother me. Who are these chicks? Dunno. Are they any real threat to me? No. So why do I let it bug me....
I guess it mostly just goes back to the fact that I was never one of the skinny girls (insert blah blah poor fat me blah that every girl spouts). But I really mean never. As in I currently weigh less at this very moment than I did when I was 13 years old. Regardless... I also grew up in a small town with some pretty shitty bitchy "friends". So it was have them or have no friends. That's how small the town was. Anyway even when I stopped being a chunky little girl, I still felt like that. And for someone who knows me fairly well, who knows how stubborn I am, who knows how tough and hard-headed I am, to hear that I am so self-conscious about myself is... strange, foreign, way out there.
So these girls kind of bring out this insecurity in me. Not fair because I know I'm loved. I know my fantab boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful and sexy and gorgeous and loves me more every day. It's just really REALLY hard to not compare myself. But starting here I make a promise to myself to stop doing that. I need to love me and stop comparing myself to other chickies. It's getting me nowhere. As long as I look in the mirror and am happy with myself and how I feel, that's all that matters. I will love me as I am.
Be a happy panda.
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